No matter where men stand on the sexual spectrum, most harbor fantasies. Discover the most common fantasies and how to discuss them with your partner openly.
Sexual fantasies have a knack for pushing boundaries, stirring up the usual mix, and delving into the depths of your desires. However deeply concealed in your mind, these fantasies are nothing to be ashamed of.
“In my research on the subject, I find that over 98 percent of men report having fantasies,” says Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University in Bloomington and the author of Tell Me What You Want. Sex therapists concur that sexual fantasies do not necessarily indicate dissatisfaction with one’s partner.
Partner Initiated Role Reversal
Fantasies provide a respite from reality. Imagining your partner taking the reins and orchestrating the sexual encounter, especially if you’re usually in charge, can invigorate your bedroom dynamics. “Sexual surrender is a way to say, ‘I need you to take control. I need to submit to you,'” explains Dan Lacovara, a licensed marriage and family therapist at the Center for Healthy Sex in Washington, DC.
Exploring Threesome Desires
A multi-partner fantasy is a fascination many men share, regardless of their sexual preferences. Contrary to stereotypes surrounding threesomes, the allure isn’t solely driven by the desire for an additional partner. “Numerous men are intrigued by the idea of their partner experiencing pleasure with someone else,” notes Lacovara.
Broaching the topic of a threesome with your partner can prove more complex than some other prevalent fantasies. “Jealousy and insecurity can come into play,” Lacovara explains. (Don’t forget the practical challenges of finding a willing third party.) “For some individuals, sex is an intimate connection between two people, and they may feel uncomfortable with that intimacy being shared.”
Embracing Submission: A Kinkier Fantasy
This particular fantasy delves into a more adventurous territory of sexual surrender. While individuals of all sexual orientations may envision scenarios of bedroom submission, Lehmiller notes that those who don’t identify as exclusively heterosexual tend to have more BDSM (bondage and discipline, dominance and compliance, and sadism and masochism) fantasies than their heterosexual counterparts. “This could be partly because gay, bisexual, and pansexual men have already stepped away from the societal norm of heterosexuality. As a result, they may find it easier to explore other sexual norms and fully embrace their sexuality,” he explains.
Exhibitionism: Embracing Public Passion
This particular fantasy certainly lands in the realm of the forbidden. “For individuals drawn to exhibitionism, the allure lies in its sense of naughtiness,” explains Lacovara. “Engaging in something society frowns upon can trigger arousal beyond physical sensations.” He notes that the body releases dopamine, a pleasure-inducing neurotransmitter, resulting in a flushed feeling of pleasure.
Domination: Merging Pleasure With Intensity
According to Smiler, BDSM power dynamics, rougher sexual encounters, and even elements like choking have gained prominence in fantasies as they’ve grown in popularity in pornography. “Rough sex is a flavor some men desire occasionally, but not necessarily as their primary preference,” he notes. “If your everyday life demands strict control and suppressed thoughts, fantasies provide a space where those desires can freely surface.”
Role-Play: Embracing New Personas
Whether you imagine yourself as a cowboy, construction worker, or even a butler (the choice is yours), role-playing is essentially a form of intimate cosplay. Lacovara explains, “You’re taking on a different identity or persona, adding a playful dimension to sex. It’s a collaborative experience where you co-create a fresh narrative.”