When I embarked on my journey with eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy, little did I realize the profound importance of saying “yes” to myself and “no” to others.
EMDR is primarily employed to address post-traumatic stress disorder and severe emotional distress. Its goal, achieved through consistent sessions, is to alleviate the physical and emotional symptoms associated with trauma. During a typical EMDR session, a therapist guides you through side-to-side eye movements while you revisit triggering or traumatic experiences.
In my personal experience, not every session proved to be overwhelmingly challenging (many were rather calm). Nevertheless, even when the moment itself wasn’t draining, I often departed from appointments feeling as if I had just completed a grueling marathon—physically, mentally, and emotionally. Revisiting the most challenging aspects of my past to mitigate their impact on my well-being was no simple task.
Therefore, right from the outset, I recognized the necessity of establishing boundaries for myself. I had to make conscious decisions about how I would nurture and care for myself in the days leading up to, during, and following each session.
Why I Made the Choice to Establish Boundaries on Therapy Days
To ensure I had some recovery time each week after my therapy sessions, I needed to shift my mindset. Prior to starting EMDR therapy, I treated therapy days like any other regular day. I would go to work, make plans after sessions, and lacked structured rituals. Looking back, I realized that I hadn’t created enough space for myself to truly process the emotions and experiences I delved into during therapy.
Many of us lead busy lives and may not want or be able to “sacrifice” an entire day solely for our emotional well-being. However, addressing trauma required me to slow down and pay attention to what felt positive or negative in my life when I tried to fit therapy into it, rather than giving it the dedicated space it rightfully deserved.
I discovered that many others shared similar sentiments about the importance of setting intentional boundaries in their therapy journey.
For instance, Charlotte, who has explored various therapy styles over the past 11 years and is currently in the process of applying to graduate school to become a therapist herself, has taken more than a decade to determine what works best for her lifestyle.
Over the years, her strategies for staying grounded and maximizing the benefits of therapy have included disconnecting from her phone and journaling immediately after sessions. When she attended therapy weekly, she also made it a point to dedicate time to listen to music and participate in dance classes in her room right after her appointments.
“In those post-therapy afternoons,” Charlotte reflects, “I’ve never felt so in tune with my body. Sometimes, I only realize that my emotions are off when I notice that I haven’t been intentionally listening to music.”
How I Prioritize Self-Care During EMDR Therapy
Not all therapy approaches have the same impact on one’s mind and body, and for many, therapy sessions can indeed be rejuvenating, much like the breath of fresh air I occasionally experienced.
Yet, recognizing that individuals, including myself, may have varying levels of sensitivity when it comes to processing thoughts and emotions, it becomes crucial to understand the options available for setting boundaries.
Here are some of the most effective boundaries I established for myself in relation to therapy:
Granting Myself the Freedom to Ignore Non-Urgent Texts and Emails on Therapy Days
This enabled me to wholeheartedly focus on myself without the added pressure of engaging in conversations. Responding to texts and emails during those times often felt like wearing a mask, depleting my energy and hindering my ability to fully immerse myself in the emotions and experiences I was processing.
I began putting my phone on “do not disturb” mode on the days I had therapy sessions. Additionally, I made a conscious effort not to check my messages prior to or immediately after sessions, at least until the following morning, if it felt appropriate to do so at that point.
Contrary to my anxieties, none of my friendships or other relationships deteriorated because I took some time for myself, and none of the worst-case scenarios I had feared materialized. It was a valuable lesson: it’s perfectly acceptable to carve out time for self-care, establish boundaries, and address things at a time when I feel most capable of doing so.
I refrained from making plans with friends or taking on significant responsibilities on the day of my therapy sessions. I understand that this approach might not suit everyone, but as an introvert, I recognize that I need solitary time to recharge. Being certain that I would have an evening reserved exclusively for activities such as a relaxing bath, watching a comforting movie, or simply spending quality time with myself helped alleviate my pre-session anxiety.
Furthermore, I was aware that I wouldn’t have to engage with others or feel the need to “perform” in any way on those days. I deliberately avoided having prearranged social commitments that could serve as an “escape route” from my emotions, allowing me to create a genuine presence during therapy. This approach granted me the flexibility to shape my evenings as needed, depending on the outcome of the session or the topics discussed.
Instead of obligating myself to prior commitments, I kept the option open to simply exist without any obligations. Consequently, there were instances when I chose to spend time with friends after therapy because I had left space in my schedule to decide what felt most fulfilling in the moment.
I prioritized taking care of my future self. Ensuring that I didn’t face any major decisions or substantial tasks immediately after therapy proved to be particularly beneficial for me. For example, guaranteeing that I had easy-to-prepare meals readily available post-therapy eliminated the risk of overextending myself following sessions. If I felt inclined to cook as a creative outlet, that was perfectly fine. However, generally speaking, this proactive approach ensured that I would properly nourish myself after an appointment. Additionally, this act of self-care didn’t feel burdensome because I had already taken care of it in advance. If, on any given day, I opted to order takeout, it served more as a gesture of self-love, especially when I was feeling particularly drained.
In Conclusion
It’s crucial to recognize that my mental and emotional boundaries may differ from yours. However, taking the time to assess how you can allocate your energy to truly maximize the benefits of therapy is important.
This doesn’t necessarily entail a grand gesture like taking a week off from work or arranging for childcare. Instead, you can engage in self-reflection by asking yourself questions and considering the following:
- What brings you the most comfort?
- What actions have felt detrimental, and which ones have proven beneficial?
- Is there something you feel lacking after therapy? (For example, do you require solitude to process, or do you prefer the company of loved ones?)
- How are you currently integrating the insights from your therapy sessions into your life? Is there anything you can modify or eliminate from that routine?
By incorporating boundary-setting into your therapy journey, you are likely to experience a greater sense of presence during sessions and extract the most value from your time, regardless of the challenges you are addressing.