Premature ejaculation mainly affects men, and women don’t have the issue of climaxing too soon. The reason is that many cisgender women can easily experience multiple orgasms during one sexual session or while masturbating, which is more challenging for men. Ways to Please Your Partner Once You’ve Reached Climax:
For men, reaching climax often indicates the end of their active role in sexual activity. It’s crucial not to finish too quickly. But why can’t men continue after an orgasm like women can? And what can you do if you want to continue pleasing your partner without further penetration?
The good news is that your sexual experience doesn’t have to stop just because you’ve had an orgasm. There’s no need for the moment to end there.
To learn how to satisfy your partner after you’ve climaxed, we interviewed three different experts in sexual matters. They shared their insights on ensuring your partner enjoys the afterglow of the experience.
“When you have an orgasm, your brain releases a variety of neurochemicals related to sleep, such as oxytocin, vasopressin, and prolactin,” explains Zachary Zane, a sex columnist and expert at Momentum Intimacy. “This is often why people feel sleepy after sex or orgasm.”
However, these same chemicals are released in people’s brains regardless of gender or sex. So why do men often appear to be more affected?
“Another possibility is that it’s about habits and expectations,” says Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., a sexologist and host of the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. “You might assume sex is over because you are, but that doesn’t have to be the case.”
For example, she suggests, it could be due to cultural influences.
“Pornography (which, due to the lack of pleasure-focused sex education, has inadvertently become an insufficient source of sexual learning) often depicts sex as ending once ejaculation occurs,” O’Reilly explains.
This means that, even though there are countless possibilities for what to do after climaxing, the cultural idea that there’s nothing left to do combines with the deeply relaxed feeling after sex, making you feel like falling asleep immediately.
Additionally, many men, especially if they are the penetrating partner during sex, might exert more energy than their partners, as noted by Coleen Singer, a BDSM/fetish expert for Wasteland.com.
“After an orgasm, many men find it challenging to engage in vigorous physical activity as they are physically ‘spent,'” she points out.
If you’re not in great shape (or engaging in particularly intense sex), the physical exhaustion could contribute to your overall sense of tiredness and the feeling mentioned above of post-sex relaxation.
And then there’s the period between orgasms that men experience: the refractory period.
“If you possess a penis, you won’t be able to ejaculate during this period,” explains Angela Rosario, a brand manager and an expert at TooTimid.com. “This span varies for each individual and often lies beyond your control. The duration of the refractory period can differ based on age and various medical conditions.”
Certain data indicate that the refractory period lasts only a few minutes for younger men. Compared, older men may experience refractory periods lasting several hours or as much as a day. Once the refractory period concludes, you’ll regain the ability to have an orgasm. That marks the beginning of your new refractory period.
What does the state after orgasm look like for women? Well, it’s not entirely distinct — they also undergo a sensation of pleasurable relaxation — but it significantly differs, primarily because they lack a refractory period as cisgender men do.
“It’s quite remarkable,” states sex educator Kenneth Play. “Women’s brains respond more actively to arousal and stimuli after the initial orgasm, and many of them hardly require a pause between orgasms and ongoing stimulation.”
This isn’t to suggest that women never require breaks. Alongside the possibility of feeling physically or emotionally fatigued, they can become quite sensitive after an orgasm, particularly one stemming from clitoral stimulation.
“The clitoris contains thousands of nerve endings and becomes extremely sensitive and swollen after an orgasm,” explains Rosario. “Unless a woman has practiced or can have multiple orgasms, stimulating the clitoris intensely after an orgasm can be challenging. It’s not impossible, but you’ll need to take a break and restart the stimulation from the beginning.”
In such cases, many women might “opt for a change in the type of stimulation to give certain nerves a rest,” adds Play. “However, some women can seamlessly move from one orgasm to the next using the same stimulation.”
So, what does this mean for you? Regardless of your partner’s gender, if you climax before your partner, there’s a strong chance they’d like to continue, while you might feel completely unable to do so. If you’ve encountered this situation, here are a few suggestions that can lead to a more satisfying outcome for both of you.
Participate in Sensual Kissing
“Don’t make it complicated,” advises Rosario. “Begin by kissing them from head to toe during your refractory period. This is a moment to indulge in some delightful foreplay.”
Additionally, she suggests, “Explore all the sensitive areas of their body—nipples, ears, and neck—to communicate that you may have ‘finished,’ but your desire to savor their body continues. Your mouth will prove quite useful during this time.”
Participate in Tender Touching
“Follow her curves with your touch, offer gentle kisses, and demonstrate the pleasure of your post-orgasm state by maintaining physical contact,” recommends Play. “This could be an ideal time to provide external clitoral stimulation for her as well.”
Incorporate A Sexual Aid
“After experiencing an orgasm, it’s the perfect moment to experiment with that new sex toy you just got,” suggests Singer. “This alleviates the pressure of achieving and sustaining another erection, and she’ll relish the experience as you guide her to another climax.”
In need of ideas? “If you’re not fully erect and could use some assistance, a toy like the Njoy Pure Wand or a Hitachi Magic Wand can be excellent for maintaining pleasure for her while you pause briefly,” suggests Play.
Engage in Oral Pleasure
“Give your partner oral pleasure during this interval,” advises Rosario. “Who wouldn’t enjoy some oral delight? Take your time and go at a leisurely pace. Who knows? You might find yourself becoming aroused again and ready for another round!”
And if you’re feeling quite worn out, you can have your partner sit on your face, allowing you to lie on your back and use only your tongue without moving any other part of your body.
Express Erotic Desires Verbally
Are you feeling too fatigued to move physically? How about stimulating your mind? After all, the brain is often considered the most significant sexual organ. As O’Reilly suggests, this is the perfect opportunity to “engage in dirty talk, explore fantasies, and inquire about your lover’s desires.”
You may not be able to bring them to orgasm using your hands, mouth, or penis, but what about achieving it with your words?
“If their goal is to achieve orgasm, think about the emotions they wish to experience,” suggests O’Reilly. “Do they desire a sense of admiration and adoration? Gaze at them with passionate desire. Hold deep eye contact. Express your appreciation and give compliments generously. Do they seek a feeling of power? Offer yourself to serve them. Let them know you’ll do whatever it takes to please them. Assure them that your sole aim is to follow and satisfy their guidance.”
Suppose you find it challenging to engage in activities like kissing, touching, using sex toys, or giving oral sex. In that case, you can maintain your arousal until you’re prepared for more intimacy.
“Stay focused on maintaining your mindset for another orgasm,” advises Rosario. “Consider all the things that arouse you about your partner and concentrate on those. Reflect on their body, the passionate encounter you just shared, something alluring they do that you enjoy—whatever it is, make sure to convince your mind that you’re not finished. Your body will follow suit once your refractory period ends.”
If managing your thoughts isn’t your forte or poses a struggle, Singer suggests using erotic content to rekindle your desire.
“High-quality adult films can have engaging plots and narratives, making them a good way to sustain the mood until you’re ready for more action,” she suggests. “A bonus: If the movie has a poorly executed plot and acting (a common trait in many porn films), it can provide a chance to share a good laugh.”
Alternatively, as Play points out, you can straightforwardly request a pause. This might not align with the expectation that men should always excel in sexual performance, but the truth is that there are times when your body simply needs a break.
“Don’t hesitate to request a brief pause, but make sure to remain attentive to her needs,” he recommends. “However, if your partner senses that you’re doing it only as a duty, it won’t appear appealing. Avoid pretending! Take the necessary break while maintaining a loving attitude during this time (whatever that means for the two of you). Many women’s arousal is linked to feeling wanted and desired, which isn’t solely demonstrated by having an erection. Express your desire through physical contact, verbal affection, and meaningful eye contact.”